Thoughts on Polyamory

Some thoughts about polyamory for polyamory day (november 23rd), plus some media recs, headcanons, etc.

Some Thoughts

• polyamory is natural, monogamy is cultural
  • monogamy only seems biologically logical because our culture disallows shared child care
  • additionally, humans had no sure way of knowing that a child only has one father until we used genetic research
  • many cultures, even today, are not monogamous.
  • i truly believe that the majority of people would identify as polyamorous if our culture wasn't so focused on monogamy
• jealousy is not romantic, it is possessive and restrictive.
  • if your partner disallowed you from having other friends due to jealousy it would be abusive. if they disallowed you from shaking a stranger's hand due to jealousy it would be abusive. so why is it culturally okay to disallow your partner to love, kiss, or even fuck someone else? it is possessive.
  • i don't belong to my partner(s). my body doesn't belong to my partner(s). i can do with it whatever i want.
• cheating is terrible because it breaks the established rules of a relationship. i am not pro-cheating, i am critical of the standard rules of relationships
• the phrase "consensual non-monogamy" sucks because it shows how most people still consider polyamory non-consensual by default.
  • we don't say "consensual gay relationships are great", because we all know that any non-consensual relationship is bad and agree that we can assume that we mean consensual relationships if we praise them. why then is it necessary for polyamorous relationships?
  • "it's okay to be poly as long as you don't cheat" sounds an awful lot like "it's okay to be gay as long as you don't try to kiss me !"
• many poly relationships are inherently queer
• polyamorous people are lgbtqia+!
• my spellcheck doesn't know the word polyamorous and i hate that
• people don't accept polyamorous people only because they themselves can't picture being polyamorous. it's pure narrow-mindedness
• gay people currently have more marriage rights than polyamorous people
• i identify as poly first, bisexual second
• cuckholding is one of the most popular kinks for men, and it's basically just polyamory in disguise
  • people, even those calling themselves open-minded, kinkshame men for this, which is essentially polyphobia
• a mother can love a second child without loving the first child less. you can find a new friend without loving your older friends less. why, then, isn't it obvious that the same is true for romantic relationships?
• i only ever see one polyamorous flag at pride - at most - and that makes me sad
• it is interesting to ponder the idea of soulmates in connection to polyamory
• we can all agree on the fact that one person can find multiple people attractive, so why is it so hard to believe that one person can romantically love multiple people?
• your partner having multiple partners takes some weight and responsibility off your own shoulders and provides your partner with a bigger support system. who wouldn't want that?
• you think i'm strange for being polyamorous. well, to me, all of you are strange for not being polyamorous.
• i was an adult before realising i'm polyamorous because i thought everyone felt this way (- very reminiscent of me realising that i'm bisexual!)
• there is basically no overt (!) polyamorous representation in media these days, even in otherwise queer shows
  • like... you can say the word 'polyamorous', i swear it's fine
  • on a similar (and lighter) note, polyamory makes multishipping so fun!
• love triangles can all be solved with polyamory
• threesomes are just a (sexual) form of polyamory
• many people don't know the difference between polyamory and polygamy
• many people don't know that not everyone in a polyamorous relationship has to be with everyone else
• trouple kisses are the cutest
• if i'm only supposed to hold hands with one person, why do i have two hands?? checkmate
• sharing is caring
• married couples divorce over one of them having affairs with someone else, basically throwing away their life, their money, and the happiness of their kids (who are now kids of divorced parents) all for absolutely nothing. for fuck's sake! sex isn't that big of a deal!
• if holding hands, cuddling, and kisses on the cheek can be seen as non-romantic, why not kisses on the mouth, or even sex? where's the line? it's nowhere, just cultural!
  • sex is not love. kissing is not love. physical contact is not love. yes, they often go hand-in-hand, but they are not one and the same.
• i have too much love to give to just one person
• polyamory is seen as a new/young thing even though the older generation has tons of swingers
• having multiple partners makes it easier to escape an abusive relationship because one is less dependent on one person, has less reason to stay with them, and has a bigger support system outside of that person
• i love my partner(s) & i want them to be loved not just by myself!
• i see more polyphobia online than homophobia...
• the old flag was better (in my opinion)

Are you Polyamorous?

You of course have to decide for yourself whether you want to identify as polyamorous, but here's a bit of stuff to help you. First of all, keep in mind that humans are polyamorous by nature. It's the default. The reason why most people, despite this, wouldn't identify as polyamorous is that our culture brainwashes us into believing that monogamy is natural in humans.

So, if you...

• have crushes on multiple people at the same time
• like the idea of seeing your partner being with (e.g. kissing) someone else
• don't believe that platonic and romantic feelings are completely separate, but are more like a spectrum
• feel your heart flutter when you see a trouple kiss
• really like the idea of threesomes
• don't believe in the idea of "one true love" or a single "soulmate"
• are "not the jealous type"

...you might be polyamorous!

Media Recs

First and foremost, I highly recommend reading the non-fiction book Sex at Dawn. It will blow your mind. It describes many cultures (past and present) that are culturally polyamorous. I think everybody should read this book!!!

If you want to watch some TV shows with polyamorous characters, here are some I recommend:

• Elite
• The Politician
• Insatiable
• What We Do In The Shadows

Some more TV shows that I've heard feature polyamory but I personally haven't seen yet:

• The Expanse
• Sense8
• Riverdale
• Black Sails
• Gossip Girl